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Modern life is tough on young people, and perhaps toughest on the generation whose adolescence and early adulthood has been indelibly marked by Brexit, the Covid-19 lockdowns, war in Europe, economic recession and the mixed blessings of social media. Beneath the looming shadow of the impacts of climate change, Gen Z, the so-called zoomers, are hanging onto the rails on a rollercoaster ride through the social, economic, environmental and political chaos of modern life, and their mental health is suffering. Psychotherapist Jeanine Connor turns her focus to this generation in another series of vivid portraits of what goes on behind the doors of her therapy room. We meet Stan, standing on the threshold of adulthood and grappling with love, sex and death; Preesha, the social influencer, whose life is being shaped by the demands of the media and its conflicts with her cultural family history, and Drew, whose vivid dreams hint at a sexuality that flies in the face of all his notions of masculinity. We sit alongside Keziah, who doesn’t ‘need’ therapy but whose (literally) f*cking mother provides the title (and connecting theme) for the book; Morgan, whose emotionless exterior belies a traumatic childhood, and Bea, the beauty, who wants the fairy tale ending, but not if it reduces her to the status of arm-candy on the biceps of the beast.
These therapeutic snapshots bring to life the theories pioneered by Freud and his descendants and make compulsive reading for all those concerned with the human psyche and the struggles of young adults in the Western industrialised world today. They illustrate how mothers show up in (almost) everybody’s psychotherapy, and how they, their and our own heritages and baggage shape us all.
Acknowledgements
Introduction
1. The good-enough mother
2. (Not) the end of the fucking world
3. Irrelevant
4. Figuring stuff out
5. Paying for it
6. In your fucking dreams
7. Childish things
8. Doing beauty fully
9. Rubbish man
10. For tomorrow
Afterword
References
Index
In a world where everybody is talking about mental health, psychotherapy still has an image problem. Though TikTok and Instagram have made psychology the Lingua Franca of today’s youth, what actually goes on behind the consulting room door still remains a mystery. Fortunately, You’re Not My F*cking Mother is not just another f*cking therapy book. Connor’s refreshingly frank dialogue and relatable stories wonderfully humanise what therapy (and being a therapist) is all about. Accessible, yet grounded in theory, this is a must read for all, from Gen Z to Gen X – and their f*cking mothers.
Aaron Balick, psychotherapist and author
Not only is it a rollicking read, this book is a bang-up-to-date account of the real-world struggles that young people face today. Social media hell holes and the pandemic hangover are among the themes that Jeanine takes on, with the steadying foundations of Freud and our earliest experiences. Her writing is fresh and bold and never gets gummed up with ‘therapy-speak’. This is an essential book for anyone who works with, or cares for or about young people, which is all of us.
Sally Donovan OBE, author of The Strange and Curious Guide to Trauma
Jeanine Connor's latest book is an indispensable resource for psychotherapists, both novice and experienced. By delving into the intricate world of adolescent and young adult therapy through vivid case studies, Connor offers a rare glimpse into the emotional rollercoaster faced by clients and therapists alike. This book skilfully navigates the highs and lows of therapeutic work, providing invaluable insights into the complexities of the therapeutic relationship. It’s a must-read for any therapist seeking to deepen their understanding and empathy. A testament to Connor's expertise, this book is a beacon for those committed to the profound journey of healing and growth.
Richard Nicholls, psychotherapist and author of 15 Minutes to Happiness
In this magnificently written volume – more like a gripping theatre drama than a traditional textbook – the experienced psychotherapist and author Jeanine Connor transports us on a gripping journey into the minds of adolescents and young people with great wisdom, covering everything from so-called good and bad maternal breasts to teenage sex to the impact of Covid to the challenges of Gen Z and Gen C. Our genius ancestors, Sigmund Freud and Donald Winnicott, would absolutely have included this book on their essential reading lists.
Brett Kahr, Senior Fellow, Tavistock Institute of Medical Psychology and Visiting Professor of Psychoanalysis and Mental Health, Regent’s University London
As someone deeply entrenched in working with young minds, I was knocked off my feet by this whirlwind of a book. Connor's writing isn't just engaging; it's a turbo-charged tour of the rewards and demands of this specialist field of practice. She simplifies complex theories, making them as easy to digest as a TikTok video. Plus her slick integration of key works adds serious street cred to her storytelling. If you're after a mind-bending ride through the world of psychotherapy, especially as it relates to today's youth, grab this book and hold on tight!
Rotimi Akinsete, psychotherapist – adults and young people
Jeanine Connor is a psychodynamic psychotherapist, clinical supervisor and training facilitator in private practice, as well as Editor of BACP Children, Young People & Families and Reviews Editor for BACP Therapy Today. She is the author of one book about the human body and You’re Not My F*cking Mother is her third book about human thought and behaviour.
